walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
