I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
