We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
