don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
