I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
