Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
