Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
