It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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