hotel room ftw
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
