i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
