I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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