I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
