I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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