Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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