found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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