in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
