So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
