I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
