How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
