And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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