whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
