dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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