Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
