she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This is classic penis vs brain.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
