Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
