Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
