Nicole vs. Life
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
