Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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