she looked like the before picture.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
