I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
