Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
