my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
