i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
