my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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