I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
