He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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