I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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