the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
