Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
