I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
