allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
