I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
