So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
