I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So vagazzling was a success
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
