There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
