it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
