The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
