I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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