As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
