OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
