Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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