Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
