It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
