You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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