i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
