the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
